Not having fun in Anchorage:
Medical costs in Alaska are generally higher than those elsewhere. As such the Local Arrangements Committee wants to make sure you have a safe experience while here for the conference. Since you probably would prefer to spend your time here engaged in more enjoyable pursuits than lying in traction normally allows, here are some behaviors to avoid (Caveat: this is NOT a comprehensive list):
1. Petting the Charismatic Megafauna.
Moose. The good news is there’s usually a lot of female moose in town this time of year and the campus is in the midst of a large amount of wooded areas so it’s a common time to see them. The bad news is they probably have two week old babies in the vicinity. Mother moose, though appearing bovine and docile, are extremely protective of their children and have been known to stomp people to death (on campus, within feet of a building door.) They kick forward as well as backward. So always be on the lookout for the second moose and know the warning signs: head lowered, ears back. If you find yourself a little too close to a moose, we’re told you should head for the nearest large object that they can’t go over or through (SUVs are good and there’s plenty of them around) and circle: you can corner slightly quicker than they can.
Bears. We have both grizzlies (i.e. brown bears) and black bears in town. Technically two polar bears too, but they’re hanging out in the zoo and it’s a little difficult to get within touching distance. The grizzlies we get aren’t the huge Kodiak ones but if you’re the one facing the charge, well, does size really matter? It’s been a while since one was spotted on campus, but it happens. Keep your distance and if you’re out hiking, take pepper spray and make lots of noise. It’s also baby season for them and the bear moms are every bit as protective as the moose moms, just faster, with better cornering and climbing skills.
And for the charismatic not-so-mega fauna in the semi-urban environment, we have wolves, coyotes, lynx, a great number of birds of prey, and porcupines and we shouldn’t need to detail the dangers of each. In nearby vacation spots we have orcas, sea lions, otters, etc. The US has some pretty strict rules about marine mammal protection and Alaskans tend to be fairly insistent about enforcement. So no touching.
2. Running red lights.
Anchorage residents do this all the time but don’t follow their example. It’s really tempting because the speed limits on the surface streets are so high and the red lights are so long but don’t give into the temptation. And keep your eye on your rearview mirror to watch out for the Alaska driver behind you who is about to rear-end your rental. As one of the Local Arrangements Committee put it, there’s no consistent driving culture. Take that as you may and remember that it’s even more so during tourist season.
3. Going for a stroll on the mudflats.
Almost all of the beaches in Anchorage are on lakes. Those long sweeping areas along the Inlet are mud flats. Stay on the trails which are mostly paved and away from that impulse to stick your toes in another body of water on your life list. At best you’ll get horrible grey gluey irremovable mud all over your trendy hiking wear, at worst, you’ll get stuck when the tide comes in and find out what waterboarding feels like without the benefit of testifying in front of Congress later.
4. Waiting til it gets dark to go to sleep.
It’s not going to get full dark, barring a solar eclipse or volcanic eruption. If you function well on extended sleep deprivation, feel free, but for the rest of you, keep an eye on the clock or at dusk you’ll realize you have to get up in another 3 hours. Most housing in the city has blackout curtains but if you’re worried about this, consider bringing eye masks.
5. Asking why we name things after sitting politicians.
We’re not sure of the answer to this unless it’s done in hopes that the so-honored individual will earmark some extra cash in the direction of the project. Or maybe vice versa. Hard to tell. It’s probably of a piece with the tendency of Alaskans at public meetings to introduce themselves with their name and how long they’ve lived in Alaska. Anywhere else it would come across as the introduction to a twelve-step program (Alaskans Anonymous) but here it’s what demonstrates your authority to be heard. Just don't go there.
6. Dissing the Permanent Fund Dividend.
Terrible tomatoes at exorbitant prices. We earned it.